So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
