you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize