Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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