Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
