I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
