is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
