I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize