went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
