The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
