so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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