Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
