Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Redeem this text for a blowjob
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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