I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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