but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
