Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
