he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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