Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
