I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
