this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
