Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize