I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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