so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
