Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
