it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
