apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
