420 ftw
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
