I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
