Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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