I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
