so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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