i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
