return my video game
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
