like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
