Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize