Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he was CRYING into my vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
