sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
