i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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