judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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