Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
