So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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