My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
