I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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