I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
