Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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