That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
