I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
