Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize