We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Randomize
