So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
