That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
