i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
