Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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