After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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