She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
