i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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