my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
