just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
