my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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