I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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