Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
