Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
