I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
