Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
