Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
