wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
