So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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