You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
