we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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