My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
