That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
